Blog Challenge: Day 5

Day 5: Six things you wish you could change or wish you would have never done.

Oh my... I tend to say I like to live without regrets... But honestly, I definitely have them.  Let's see if I can come up with some decent ones.

1. I wore a terrible snake skin, skin tight contraption to my sophomore Tolo dance... It was just after a breakup and I was trying to be hot to make my ex jealous, I think. Hahahaha! Oh, it was terrible. Bad. I wish I knew how to operate my scanner I would SO scan that picture in! :)
2. I would have never chased after a high school best friend.  I was so clearly used and abused (emotionally) and I just kept chasing it. I feel stupid now, even almost ten years later. I lost friends and time in high school that I'll never get back. Stupid!
3. I wish I would have not verbally lashed out on my step dad months before he died.  He made a very stupid large purchase in a time when my parents were very financially unstable and he drove that purchase to our house to show it off and I went off on him.  I feel bad now. I should have expressed myself differently...
4. I sometimes wish I would have gone to a four year school right out of the gates.  This is one of those wishy washy "never regret" statements because in the long run I believe my choices have landed me in places that I wouldn't have otherwise been and I'm thankful for that.  But, school would have been so much easier if I had just gone the conventional way... but I'm not conventional.  So, there ya go!  To think that I could have my own classroom already RIGHT NOW? That's crazy.  Or, to be the RN I always wanted to be? Nuts. Oh well, such is life.  If it's meant to be, I'll have my own classroom by the time I'm 30 after I go back to school AGAIN for my Masters. Ugh!
5. I regret never finishing a diet program.  I really do.  It's one of those things I want to fix so badly, but just can't find it within me.  Just to think, if I would have finished the first diet I ever attempted... I would be 50lbs lighter. Wow.
6. Lastly, I have to say... I have a big mouth.  I have learned over the years to try to be less outspoken when it isn't going to do any good.  So, my last one will be all of the little things that I have said and will continue to say that hurt someone's feelings when I didn't intend them to. However, I never regret being honest and authentic with someone over "saving face" by telling a lie.  I DO NOT tolerate lies. In fact, I found out today I was lied to.  A stupid little white lie! But... NOT OK WITH ME! GRRR! Oh, sorry for that rant! :)

Onto the next day...

Blog Challenge: Day 4

Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Not in order of importance!!!

1. I am always contemplating ways to get the most amount of homework done in the least amount of time... I think some people call that procrastination.
2. My weight. It's a constant struggle and a daily battle that I usually lose.
3. Brandon.  He brings smiles to my face hourly!
4. Everything in my/our future.  I'm always thinking about kids, houses, jobs, vacations.... etc.
5. Friends/Family that I don't get to call or visit with often.  I wish I would just take one day and call the ten people I've been meaning to call forever!!!
6. Unfortunately, I'm addicted to Social Networking... Um, so I'm kind of ashamed to say that Facebook, blogs and Twitter crosses my mind a lot. Hmmm...
7. Food! I'm always hungry or wanting something. Coping mechanism, no?

Ok, day four down! Are you bored of me yet?

Blog Challenge: Day 3

Day 3: Eight things you couldn't live without.



Only eight? Okay... I'm going to take the less sentimental route here... So, I'm not going to list Brandon, my mom, friends, etc... okay? But do note that I don't want to live without those people either!!! ;)
 

1. Music.  I love it, I need it... I couldn't live without it.  Period!
2. My animals.  I am an animal lover, for sure! Mama Moose and Jacker Whacker are lucky to have me!!! Oh, did I just say that? ;)
3. Chapstick.  Preferably Burt's Bees Pomegranate... Yum-O!
4. My Droid. Oh, love. :)  How else would I check Jen and Candice's blogs five times a day... Neurotic? Me? No.
5. Tom Kha Gai - Or Thai food in general. It's amazing.
6. Sarcasm. Life just wouldn't be worth it, would it? Nah.
7. Philosophy's Amazing Grace. It's my body wash, my lotion... my love. Oh, and Pureology hair products. *sigh*
8. Flip flops/sandals.  I really don't like real shoes... I prefer the flops.  I got a kinda "greenerish" pair this year because my feet have really taken a beating... I bought a pair of Birki's. Oh geeze.  Now I own Birkenstocks AND Danskos.  Yes, I live in the PNW. :) Oh well, my feet thank me.

That's it! This is a cake walk... only seven more days!!! You should join me in the challenge!

Blog Challenge: Day 2

Day 2:  Nine things that most people don't know about you.

This is kind of silly... I'm a really open book.  Most things people don't know about me are embarrassing, that's why they don't know them! DUH! Ok... I'm going to try to come up with them but if they're TMI consider yourself warned!!!

1.  I am incredibly intuitive. I consider this a good thing, but it definitely makes me uncomfortable sometimes.  At least, this is how I have always described myself.  I can sense someone's mood, whether they're genuine, lying, not being authentic, dangerous, what their thoughts are, etc.  I can read people like books and while it is usually a good thing, sometimes it isn't!!!  I also

2.  I have a really good memory.  I have memories way back when I was 18months old.  My parents were entering into a divorce so I remember some details about my life then, because it was a difficult time.  I believe that this is where I gained some of my very dominant personality traits... when I was that little. Kinda weird, but I'm convinced.

3.  I am always late and hate it.  You bloggers wouldn't really know that about me... obviously IRL people do.  I am rarely late to work, because I have to be on time.  This is a serious confliction within myself.  I know that it is rude to be late.  Why am I always late then!?! Ugh! I think it stems from an overall lack of discipline... that's a whole 'nother story! Ha!  I do feel bad for it though and it causes me much anxiety... I hate it.  It seems like it should be easy to change.

4.  My feet stink.  I told you, TMI! They do... it's bad. My BFF Shandy told me she had something for me the other day... She whipped out some fruity smelling shoe inserts for me! HAHAHAHA! I mean, really?! She had found them at Big Lots on sale... *shudder*

5.  I can't stand fidgeting... when it is someone else doing it.  Brandon shaking his leg, tapping something, etc.  However, I have my own little quirky things that could be considered fidgeting.  My argument is that they don't annoy other people... haha!

6.  I am terrified to visit a lot of places outside of the US.  I really don't care to (at this time) go to any Asian, African, or South American countries.... oh, or Australia/New Zealand!!! I'm terrified of the food in the first three examples and the bugs in all of them!!! Oh, bugs and other weird things!!! I don't ever care to go to FL or the deep south for those reasons too.  Oh, I'm kind of ashamed to admit this... sorry. I've seen the special on the Burmese Python one too many times... Ick.

7.  I am scared to scuba dive.  That's kind of random, but  not many people know that about me.  I don't LOVE being IN or ON the ocean, so I mostly think that is why but I think that it's a control issue. I enjoy the ocean from the beach!!! It's beautiful to LOOK at! :)  I also think it may be a claustrophobic thing... eeek!

8.  I have to constantly keep myself from searching for new homes and cars.  I could waste hours doing either of those things.  I think I get this from my mom.  We always were moving to a new beautiful house as well as she was always getting new cars... I'm kind of obsessed.  Like, to the point that we've had one of our vehicles for over three years and I'm dying to get a new one.  We don't NEED a new one and this one happens to be perfect... except for the stinky dog smell. Ugh, dogs. Oh, and the fact that it is blue... I hate blue. But, I'll have it detailed and it'll be good as new.  Except, it won't be new... that's the problem. Haha! I should specify:  "new" means "new to us" not "off the lot, new" because well... we're not loaded and we don't really think its worth the money to buy brand new cars. :)  Brandon wants either a truck or a Hummer H3 next... I would be okay with either.  A truck would be nice but terrible gas mileage.  My parents had an H3 and we loved it and got about the same MPG as our Highlander does...   But, I really love my Highlander... it's so comfy and the perfect size for hauling the kiddos and my dogs! :)

9.  I am dying to start our family.  My close friends may *kind of* know this but I don't lead on too much because I think it scares the daylights out of most of them... I secretly think they're dreading for us to have kids because it means our relationship will change.  I don't talk to our parents about it because it will get them way too excited.  We're not quite there, but I am SO TIRED of waiting. I can't wait!!!  I feel like I was meant to be a mom and I'm not worth much before I have that opportunity.  That may sound kind of pathetic, but its true...

Ok! Day 2 down!!! Learn anything? Wish you didn't know my feet stink? Sorry!!! :)

Blog Challenge... I need it!

Chelle over at Never Had A Better Day  posted about this blog challenge which she was inspired to do by another blogger.... Anywho... I always think I have grand ideas to blog about but then I always talk myself out of it because it just seems like a rant and makes myself look like a big ol' biotch!  Also, I've been meaning to d/l pictures of great recipes that I made weeks ago but... I haven't. :) So, this will give me some motivation to post WAY MORE than I usually do!!! :)

The challenge:

Day 1: Ten things you want to say to ten people right now.


Day 2: Nine things about yourself that most people don't know.

Day 3: Eight things you couldn't live without.

Day 4: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

Day 5: Six things you wish you could change or wish you would have never done.

Day 6: Five people who mean a lot to you.

Day 7: Four turn offs.

Day 8: Three turn ons.

Day 9: Two words that describe your life right now.

Day 10: One confession.


Day 1:  Ten things I would like to say to ten people, RIGHT NOW.  I think I've thought about this for too long... because now I'm trying to decide if I should be mushy or just be spontaneous. Hmmm... If it gets mushy, so sorry! :)

1. Brandon- It’s no surprise you come in as number one. You are my rock and so much more. We have so much fun together and I can't wait for what our life has waiting for us... I know God has a great plan for you because you are so easy to get along with and a big dreamer. Soon, I hope and pray, that you and I will find a direction that uses your talents and brings you great joy. Although you don't read my blog (and make fun of me for having one...) I love you so much!!!




2. Mom- You like to say that we are too much alike, that's why we butt heads sometimes. I'm not sure if I think we are really that much alike, but none-the-less I can see the traits that you have passed down to me. Thank you for instilling my constant drive for more in life... for always telling me I'm beautiful because I certainly don't always feel that way... for bragging about Brandon and I, although it's embarrassing when I'm standing right there, I'm glad you're proud of us... For teaching me to be adaptable, for change is inevitable... For teaching me to be responsible from an early age. Because of you I cannot stand irresponsible moochers that think the world owes them something... I love you mom and choke up in an instant thinking of ever losing you. I remember waiting for you to come home when you worked nights when I was a kid. Long past my bedtime (unbeknownst to Don) I would sit in the upstairs balcony and look out the window waiting for you to come home... Crying for fear that you wouldn't make it home alive. When I would see your car pull into the driveway I would scurry into bed and fake that I was asleep when moments later you would come to kiss me goodnight. I worry for you still, mom because I have always felt the need to take care of you. Because I've lost too much already in my lifetime and I can't fathom what life would be like without you in it. So, while we may have disagreements often... I love you so much and appreciate all you have sacrificed for me.



Dad- It feels weird to type that. As if I ever had the chance to write you an email or letter? I certainly didn't. I just want to tell you that aside from all of the cliché things one may say to a passed father, the simple things are really what I wish I had the chance to know about you. What were your quirks, annoyances and how the heck did you like your coffee??? I am thankful for your family and friends that can tell me stories about your crazy escapades and I can't wait to chat with you someday... Another thing? Giving me your muscle-y calves was a bit unfair, don't you agree? This girl can never find a pair of cute boots... dangit! Oh, by the way, Brandon is great and I wish you could have met him. :)



Don- We all miss you more every day! Brandon and I always crack jokes and talk about things that you did that were so *dumb* at time but that we *cherish* now. I hope you are peaceful and are not hurting or lonely anymore. Don't laugh too hard when Brandon and I are arguing at the boat launch ok? I know you and mom did that all of the time, maybe that's where I learned it! ;)
Nickolai- I love you buddy! I can't wait to watch you grow up and to be close with you!!! We already spend a good part of the week together and I can't tell if you like me or not. But, I kind of think you do. You are so serious that you only really give big grins to mommy and daddy. But, if I act like a huge dork and jump around and make weird sounds sometimes you'll grin at me. I mean, c'mon! Throw me a bone dude! I feel so privileged to be with you so much... I know your sleep schedules, how you like to fall asleep, when you're getting fed up and what songs you like me to sing to you. I hope in a few years you still will put up with me when I'm jumping up and down at your soccer games and cheering you on like a big goofball... oh, you're going to be so embarrassed. You have lady-killer dark blue eyes and all of those ladies are going to have to get through this Auntie first!!! Love you little Duder... can't wait to see you in your Husky outfit and sweet football socks that Auntie bought you! :)

My SIL- I'm so thankful to be getting closer and closer to you all of the time. I appreciate your openness, honesty, patience and good natured way. You listen to me gripe about the most mundane things, help me with my school work and make me laugh with your sarcastic ways. I've never had a sister and I certainly feel like you are becoming more of one every day. I love hearing the stories about Brandon when he was a kid. Thank you for allowing me time with your son, I cherish it. I know you fully trust me in caring for him and I appreciate that more than you know. I promise I never text while driving if I have him in the car!!!!!! You don't read this either... or even know I have a blog (I don't think...) but if I could say all of this to you without crying, I would. And if I did start crying, you would call me a dork. And, I love you for that too. :)


Gram- I can't believe we almost lost you this year, Gram. It's too soon - I'm not ready. I have been spoiled because you've been so healthy all of my life. I lost my other Grandmas early on and I just am not ready for you to go yet. You have to meet the baby girl I will someday have... remember? You remind me that you're ready for me to have kids every time I see you. Last time, you went as far as to discuss which of Brandon's and my traits our children will have. Ha! I love spending time with you. Last time, all we did was make meat loaves and pies for our grieving family members... but I savor every moment I have with you. Thank you for putting up with Gramps for so long. He's gruff, but he loves us all and I know you love that. I can't wait for the day that I can call you and tell you "Ok! Knit a blanket!!! I'm preggers!!!" Love, love, love you Gram...


Kristine- I am so glad you are my married BFF now… I am so happy for you and Uriah and am glad to have someone to commiserate with now. :) You are my only BFF that I share my faith with and I am so glad to have that to glue us together. While we are very different, we share our love for God and know how important it is to lead lives that are godly. It is wonderful to share beliefs and values with you because often times I can’t actively voice opinions and things I believe in as I am the minority, it seems. I can’t wait to be able to ask you and Uriah to be godparents someday… Eeep! :) Although it’s not a happy thing to share, I’m glad another bond of ours is the loss of our fathers. I’m so glad we understand our feelings about the whole thing 100%. I wanted to say this in my MOH speech at your wedding, but couldn’t get through it without tears: It means more than words that you flew up to WA at a moment’s notice to be with me for Don’s service. I have good friends who lived in the state who didn’t even bother to come, let alone make a trek across states. Thank you for your support. I love your curly hair and am not.so.secretly jealous of it!!! Could we be more opposite??? By the way, I’m eating a delicious pot roast right now that you would hate. HAHAHAHA! Maybe I should make and send you some cake balls soon? Love ya, Tina Bean.

My Old Boss- You really should get out of the business that you’re in. Seriously… it’s not good. You are inconsistent, not thorough and frankly greedy. I believe you are a good person, at heart. But, you really shouldn’t be responsible that all you are responsible for. It’s dangerous and that is why I had to leave… but returning to school was a good excuse.

Estranged Family- Somedays I have a tender heart and wish we all as a family still spoke. Most days, I don’t. Most days I am so thankful for the drama-free family get togethers. I mean, seriously… it’s such a relief to not have butterflies on Christmas wondering what the big fight will be about weeks after or what snarky comments will be made about others. I am sorry for the damage that has been done and do honestly wish that someday things will change. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening any time soon.

Did you really make it through that? If so, I thank you.  If not, I don't blame you.  Either way, it was therapudic for me to write that out!!!

Brings Me to Tears

I looooooove music. Music brings me to tears often.  Which is surprising, honestly.  I don't tend to let myself cry often.  I think we've I've discussed that earlier with posts about the loved ones that I have lost.  For some reason, music has the ability to change my mood in an instant.  I love it.  All of it.  Well, my Grandpa (who was a very old Grandpa, might I add) used to listen to professional whistling in the car.  Did you know there are professional whistlers? Hmmm... there are, trust me. 

Anyway, I was reading one of my favorite blogs Clover Lane when she posted about her friends who just had a baby who was in need of prayers.  My heart breaks for so many families out there right now that are in tough places with their wee ones.  I can't imagine being in the place that they are and staying so strong.  So, Sarah at Clover Lane posted a link to Bowen's Heart which is dedicated to Matt & Sarah Hammitt's baby boy who is suffering from a heart condition.  Incidentally, Matt is the lead singer for Sanctus Real, a Christian band I happen to love. While I love their popular songs, I had no idea of any of their personal lives.

Oddly enough, I just heard their latest single for the second or third time on Sunday and I loved it so much that I actually stayed in the car an extra three minutes to listen to it.  Does anyone else ever do that? Brandon is always wondering what I'm doing in the driveway.  "Just jammin' to some tunes baby!" Ok, I don't say "jammin" nor do I ever call Brandon "baby." Ha! This was the first time I was actually listening to the lyrics and not just enjoying the melody of this song.  I found myself tearing up when I was realizing how I could relate to the song, in some ways.  I try to be such a strong woman that has her own goals and dreams in life.... but in reality I need Brandon to be strong and I need his help when I feel weak or off course.  I just have a hard time asking for it.



A lot of Christian songs do that for me... bring me to tears.  I'm not usually a gushy person and I'm not even overly open and loud about my faith.  Every church service I attend, you can bet I will be shedding tears during the worship service. 

Ok, one last video of my other favorite Christian band, Casting Crowns.  I love this song... I love lots of their songs. 

That's all! I was feeling moved tonight... so I felt like sharing. :o)  Everyone have a wonderful Wednesday!!!

History Was Made

Fellow blogger, Jen, had posted on Facebook about how she asks her students to write about their memories of 9/11 every year (she's a college English Prof.) Of course, I think about 9/11 every year on the anniversary (and throughout the year as well) but for the life of me I cannot remember my actual experience that day.  Usually I have an impeccable memory.

I can remember that I was sitting at my vanity in my bedroom doing my hair and makeup for school.  I was listening to the local radio morning show that I still listen to today!  My older friend who drove me to school before I had my license had walked into the room and we briefly discussed what was happening with my mom before we rushed out the door for school.  While we were at school the teachers had the news on in all of our classrooms, even after our principal ordered that the tvs be turned off.  I can assume that most of us high schoolers didn't understand the seriousness of what was taking place.  History was being made, right then.... right there.  Brandon remembers our school playing the news in every classroom and he remembers our school counselors being available for those kids that had relatives or friends that they couldn't contact.  I would like to assume that parents came and got students that were in that situation, but I just don't remember.

Over all, I feel very guilty about 9/11.  I feel guilty because I was not directly affected by anyone that I loved losing their life or having their lives dramatically altered by the attacks.  Of course, like all Americans, my life was indirectly affected.  I also feel guilty because while my family has military ties from Nam and previous wars, we don't have anyone who is serving right now.  Brandon and I do have some friends who are serving and we recently welcomed him home from Iraq for the last time, hopefully. We also don't have any family/friends who are firefighters or police officers. Geeze!

Anyway, this whole post is jumbled and doesn't make a ton of sense... but I'm just reflecting so please forgive me.

I want to give my biggest, most sincere thanks to all of our service men and women who fight for our lives while risking their own every.single.day.  Without you and the sacrifices that your family has to make -- I don't even want to think of what our country would be without you!  Thank you!!!!!!